I am a different student at the University of Arizona than I was at Oberlin.

There, I really didn't care too much what anyone thought of me or my work. I did research, took classes, did homework because I found it interesting and engaging. When I got stressed, or extenuating circumstances appeared, I slowed down. I was, to some degree, organized, but only so far as the end of that semester.

Here, what people think of me and, more importantly, my work is of utmost importance. Yes, people are awesome and supportive, but that doesn't change the fact that they are my colleagues, not just for the next few years but for the rest of my life. These people will review my books. Now I do research, take classes, do homework because I can see the direct (or occasionally indirect) impact it will have on my career. That I happen to find all of the work (with some very minimal exceptions) interesting and engaging makes that a hell of a lot easier, however. Now, when I get stressed or extenuating circumstances appear (or I need to insert a little social life back into my existence), I work through it. I CAN work through it. Although I learned a ton of great coping mechanisms growing up, one that has made a major shift has been regular meditation. I am organized, not just hour by hour in my Google calendar or week by week, but semester by semester and project by project.

And I love it.

I am balanced and bookish, professional and still a bit of a social butterfly. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

From My Bday Party

Things are going well. I've nailed down which classes I'm taking (History of Anthropology [required], Sociolinguistics, and Mexican Immigration) and am pleased with them. I'm on track to have papers that I can hopefully turn into articles or (at the least) presentations by the end of the semester. And this week, I've got to suck it up and really get down to business writing grant proposals. It feels like an utterly miserable thing to have to do, but it is entirely necessary both as a student and as a skill to perfect for my imaginary academic career.  So think of me fondly this week as I struggle to sell myself to the biggest names in the business.

Thusfar, I am learning more (Greek) philosophy than I ever did as an ancient Greek major and thanking my lucky stars that the Oberlin professors had the interests they did (philosophy, while at least indirectly relevant to most academic endeavors, is NOT my favorite flavor of academia). That said, it DOES seem like a good thing to have read and to know for a person with my particular goals.

I am also just as enamored of my Sociolinguistics prof, NMD, as I was when I visited and she rocked my world. The same can be said of my adviser, despite the fact that she is still in Indonesia.

And tonight? Well my friends, tonight I am going to finally escape the networking aspect of virtually every interaction I've had here thusfar and go to a bar called Gentle Ben's and drink with my new colleagues (about seven other new grad students) and not worry at all about anything other than the pleasure of their company. 

Cop kun ka (cop koon kah) = Thank you

Today Fab taught me Thai:

rra dri sowad (RRA-duh-RRI suh-WUT) = Good night
sowadikah (suh-WAH-dee-KAH) = Hi

and yesterday I learned that Peek-a-Boo is Jut Ay (juh* eh) (jut has the sort of unpronounced "t" sound we occasionally do with words like mitten - if you're from certain parts of the U.S., anyway, Ay is said like the first letter of the English alphabet).

I like languages. Too bad I never remember what I learn.

As I may or may not have mentioned in previous entries, while Guille was here I purchased a Keeper. This seems very environmentally aware of me, and fits in with the whole Goddess-y thing I dig, but in fact, the selling point of the Keeper was its price. It has never ceased to enfuriate me how much more women have to spend on "basic upkeep" than men, and tampons have always been a big money hole. I like O.B. and think, for tampons, they're the best. But the rubber thing just makes sense (mind you, if you'd told me freshman year that I would be using one by graduation I would have laughed in your face. I thought they were gross. But then, I once left a tampon in a cereal box for my roommate to accidentally find, so I think maybe my conceptions of gross were a little funky). Anyway, at the suggestion of a friend and Keeper user, I decided to practice before the big game. I have to say, it feels a little funky, but I think I'm gonna prefer it to a tampon. For one, I hate sticking cotton (or whatever fiber they make tampons out of) in my cunt. For two, I hate wearing a diaper more than just about anything. For three, there seems something kinda respectful about a Keeper (to my body, anyway) that neither pads nor tampons have. I realize this final is flaky sounding, but I don't really care.

I am writing here because it is a beautiful day. Because it is a beautiful day, I do not want to sit at a computer and write a paper. I managed to avoid it by taking out about 8 bags of trash (yes, I am that lazy usually). I have a good paper topic tho. I am excited. (Not the Goddess religion paper ... that one's beginning to grate my nerves.) I'm writing about the plot-types represented by the different Olympian goddesses mentioned in the Odyssey. And I'm arguing that everyone knows how it's gonna end, so there's no point in saying that the alternate plots add "suspense." They keep people engaged with Penelope, pull the audience into her experience, her confusion, but they do not add suspense.

I emailed Guille my resume and cover letter and application and syllabus yesterday. He dropped it off on his co-worker's desk today. I would REALLY like to teach mythology to middle schoolers. In fact, if I could do that forever, I just might. But, clearly, that is not an option. However, doing it for the summer would be even more ideal, because, while the job doesn't pay a lot, it is something I can do sorta part time while I gear up into my REAL job search, since I haven't had time to do that at Oberlin.

I had my last class today. It was art. And we reviewed all the work we did for the semester. It would have been perfect if I didn't have to bring in my David Bowie-looking self-portrait.

Love.

I'm sitting here in Mudd and trying to write this paper on Goddess religion (and not doing a very good job of it cuz I can't decide how to structure it).

In the process of writing this paper I have discovered a religious identity that I think fully describes me (and that I like): I am a Christian Goddess woman.

Also: the Journal of Media and Religion seems pretty useless, but I still have plans, after graduation, to write an article on how Buffy and Xena have contributed to the rise in Goddess spirituality and submit it for publication. The journal seems much more interested in fundamentalist uses of new media, but it's worth a shot. And if it doesn't work out, well, I'm pretty sure that www.witchvox.com will accept it.

But then, www.witchvox.com has articles by people named things like Emerald Sunshower. (No really. Here.)

But then, who am I to talk since I am, in fact, quoting that very article by Emerald Sunshower in my own paper.

Peace.

My vein spurted blood today. On a whim I went to give blood to LifeShare. Now, I don't approve of their policies. I think permanent deferral of blood giving if you're a man who's had sex with other men is ridiculous. Especially since they have no questions about whether or not you've had anal sex, unprotected sex, nor about how many partners you've slept with (which still seems less important than whether you've had unprotected sex, but still more relevant than whether you're a man who's slept with men or have slept with a man who's slept with men). However, I still want to give blood. So I do it. And every time I go in and we do this whole thing where we go through all the countries I've visited since 1977 (France, Italy, Argentina, Mexico). I've done it a fair number of times, but of course they don't take my word for it that none of the areas are high risk and I have, in fact, given blood with their organization since I visited. But that's understandable, and while slightly annoying that it takes so long, I deal with it. Another one of the questions is whether or not I've been to or slept with anyone from Africa. Which I have. But Mali is not a high risk country, either. But they barely know that Mali is a country, let alone where it is in Africa (they asked me how to spell it). Still not so bad. But not trusting me or the book that explained it, my interviewer called over another nurse - this one young and apparently well-educated - and she okayed it immediately. My iron was fine, so I went to get stuck, but wanted to get a book first. I go over and as the nurse starts looking over my paperwork she gets a funny look on her face and calls over ANOTHER (#4) nurse. As I come back over, I hear the younger of the two (Nurse #4) saying, "oh, she's one of THOSE."
Le sigh. So I have to go through it (this time NOT behind the screened "confidential" area) again. I'm just glad I'm not modest.

I had a nice dinner with Eli today.

In other news, my cousin just had his first kiss. How adorable!

I'm going to play with my hamster, do some (more) Econ, go to jiu jitsu, write a Roman Religion essay, finish my Greek, and go to bed.

So there's www.savetoby.com . It's a great idea and a fabulous gimmick and I believe that the site's owner will, in fact, have made his $50,000 by June. I even believe that he will kill his bunny - and eat it - if he doesn't. I buy it. But what is sad is that there is nothing nearly that neat about giving to, say, UNICEF. UNICEF's shirts are boring. They have no interesting/bizarre/funny/sick twists to them. There are no funny plots. Let's face it, non-profits aren't funny. And why the hell not? Frankly, it makes me want to set up a site - much like www.savetoby.com - and then donate all the proceeds to a charity. 'Course, that's a lot of work for free, but chances are I couldn't find a charity that would let me make an official shirt that was that cool. (With the exception of some of NARAL's shirts a few years ago - for which they received heavy criticism.) (Cool NARAL t-shirt below)



Anyway, enough on that tip. I'm gonna go study more Econ.

I lied when I said I would update about my sex life. But I will talk about other things which are more relevant to my life right now. Katherine is in Bath. Which makes me so happy. For those of you to whom I do not talk incessantly about her, she is my testarossa, my principessa, and I love her dearly. She got me watching/reading Jane Austen stuff, and it is only as a result of that that I have any conception of what Bath is. But she's in BATH. How cool is that? I love imagining her there, although, I am not so jealous since it is unbelievably beautiful here right now. Like azilm said.

AZ is awesome. He's the perfect roommate to have (although technically we are housemates, since we rent different rooms), and I love him. We are very different, and I am the kind of close-minded person who doesn't often get along with people who don't agree with me, but it doesn't matter to me too much with him. Perhaps this is partly due to the condescending "well, hopefully (for their own sake, of course) they will grow up one day and come to understand the wisdom I am imparting, but if they don't I can't be responsible for it" attitude I am developing, but I think it's also that he doesn't need to continue on themes about which we disagree. Which is nice.

Guille is doing well, still living in my parents' home - but now with Elio (who is staying for a few weeks). One of my friends (I don't remember who) said my home is becoming the Latino bording house and I like to repeat that like I thought of it. But Elio isn't staying, he's just looking around for a few weeks. I really would love it if he'd move to the area, and have decided that my way to avoid missing Oberlin and my social network is to get them to all move to D.C. :)

I haven't spoken with Susanna recently, but she seems to be doing okay. Her kidneys are fine, her marriage is on track (that is, it's still planned for this July) and I still think she's the cat's meow. Unfortunately, I am liking the idea of getting married, too. But I know this is wrong, and not smart, since the next few years are going to hold a lot of changes (e.g. becoming fully financially independent) and there's no need to rush these things.

And other than that, Spring Break killed me. Destroyed me. Because, when I arrived, I was loving school almost to the point of obsession with learning. And now? Now I just want to drink beer or lemonade on the porch, talk to friends, do BJJ, watch movies, do anything except all the work I've got to do.

And on that note, I'm gonna get back to it, cuz I have an Econ test on Thursday and a problem set on Tuesday, and some papers, and an art project, not to mention lot and lots o' Conversion reading. Le sigh.

I was at 88 Groveland tonight. It was a little surreal. First of all, there was a whole lot of estrogen. And comparatively little beer. And it was very neat. And not a dump. I barely recognized it, even from the outside.

The glory days are gone.

But at least I'll know what they mean when people say the good ol' days.

I have to go to sleep so that I can wake up at 8:00 a.m. on Wednesday.

:)

I love www.usps.gov - what a useful little site. So it turns out that it costs $.70 to send a postcard from the U.S. to Greece or England (the two places where there are people I love). It's good to know since I've had written postcards just sitting here. I write postcards to avoid doing the work I so desperately need to do. And at this point, if Katrina or Carly could see the troll writing them, they might not be so interested. My hair ... just eww. I swear, every time I use Guille's shampoo, my hair degenerates faster. I'd like to get hair gel and put my hair up in spikes again, like I did in Mexico, but I'm cheap. Also unwashed. But that will take care of itself shortly (I swear I'm showering IMMEDIATELY after this entry).

Yesterday was totally useless academically, but I DID run around with a scarf on my head shrieking "MATRICIDE" with Lee and a couple other kids. All in the context of the Bardic Reading, of course. I stayed from 4:30 to about 10:30. And got a whole lot of knitting done, but very little actual work. I also ate really badly, and I'm still regretting it. Funny how once you start eating healthy, your body won't tolerate so many lapses. But I am also convinced that healthy diet and exercise and lots to do (and a bed that requires climbing down a ladder to leave) are at fault for my diminished insomnia. It's great! Also, it helps that this room is so small that I feel safe in it.

Okay, I really have to get back to work - I've got a very full semester! People should love me and hang out with me, tho, or at least send me little notes and stuff. I'll even do it back!

I accidentally tried to join the Facebook's Oberlin Latinos group. I was hoping there would be an option page or something that could lead me to be a groupie. But there wasn't. So now I will just be another annoying white kid who spent a semester in Mexico and thinks that makes them Latino. In reality I am quite in touch with my white dirt farmer Southern heritage, and wouldn't have it any other way, but whoever runs the group might think otherwise. But I guess that's okay as long as Yolie and Carly and Danny know the truth. Speaking of them, I am crushed that I won't be seeing my glove this next semester, but have hopes to see her over New Years?

I am home. Home is good. I want my rat.

And I am out of money. But I did buy Guille something good. Yay!

I will not be graduating in May.

Yeah, it surprised me somewhat to, but I am just not getting it together enough to pass this one class. I'm still trying to finish out for pride's sake, like swimming into the wall even though you can see you're sixth.

I am tired. And a big part of me just wants to give up and spend the time with my friends or working harder on the other projects that I may be able to do real well on. But ... there's still some small part of me that thinks, maybe just maybe he'll have pity on me if I can just get it in. And that's the part that's keeping me going. It's not really pride after all.

I don't know exactly what this information entails yet, but I've decided to wait till I get home to think about it.

In the meantime, I'm gonna miss Florentino when I leave.

So, I only have a few minutes to update, but I'll do my best to get it all in, which really shouldn't be that difficult, since none of it's terribly interesting.

I have a LOT of papers coming up soon. And I'm really gonna have to step up my involvement to get everything done. However, I remain confident that I can do it.

I am unclear as to whether or not I really have Candida dermatitis. I thought, yesterday, that the incredible itching of my armpits was the end of the line, but then I reread my journal and realized that it's the EXACT same itching I experienced my first week in Puebla when I was using that deoderant with the smelly stuff. And then when I changed to Dove, the itching stopped. I ran out of Dove the other day, but couldn't remember why I wasn't using the other deoderant and went back to it. And I am dying again.

In other matters, I went to all my classes today, and was even prepared for my tutoring session where I worked on the ending and beginnings of a couple of essays.

I like Alejandro. And I like Juan. I mean, I would still rather go home today than spend more time with here, but those kids do make life a little more bearable. Eundria and I had plans to go by the Bodega Gigante tonight. Why? To pick up 1) more Dove deoderant and 2) brown hair dye. That's right, I've decided to dye my hair brown. It will probably be gone by the time I get back to Oberlin, or maybe even dyed another color, but I have my heart set on brown right now. Yay! I've always wanted to be a brunette. I'm also in the market for some old school hair curlers. Not big ones, but little ones that will actually make my hair curly. That I can sleep in. Unfortunately, I don't think the Bodega carries them, but it's definitely worth asking.

I'll put up pictures if there are any worth seeing. :)

Also, got all my classes! YAY!!!!

1)The Odyssey (in Greek, of course)
2)Roman Religion
3)An entry level drawing class (I FINALLY DID IT! I always promised myself I would take an art class befre I left college, and see! See!!!)
4)Intro to Political Economy with Zinser (sp?) If you have any information on this prof please let me know. Please. I'm taking this class so that I can argue more effectively with Guille. Also, cuz I think it's important stuff to know. And AZ, who's taken it and will be living with me, can teach me what I can't figure out on my own.
5)Last, but most difficult (probably) a Religion Seminar on Conversion focusing primarily on Christianity and Islam.

That's 15 credits, and I'm gonna make it 16 with another round of Jiu Jitzu. Of course. How could I live with the prof, love it, and not take the class?

I'm hungry. The problem is, I'm trying to get through this week on $40.00 for food and everything else. And there's a lot of everything else your moving out week. I'm about to go spend $90.00 on train tickets in about an hour and a half, which is gonna hurt, but then (yay!) I get to go to Kirk's for dinner for a reunion of our Aristophanes class. It is Ellie's birthday today! She's five years old. I can hardly believe it. She is growing up so fast.

I'm in a heinous mood right now. I wanted to eat, but the dining halls were closed, so Guille couldn't bring anything back to me. We go to the Black River Cafe, and they don't seat us for almost 10 minutes! We were the only ones waiting, and there were available (and clean) tables. When they sat us, they were out of buns and bacon, so Guille decided to leave. Which really bugged me, because I had $3.00 for a full meal there, and it was exactly what I wanted, but I didn't have money for most other places. After we walked out he decided that we were going to the Mandarin. 1) I don't like Mandarin food 2) I don't have money for Mandarin food. So I got pissed and got out of the car. And he drove away. So now I'm not eating. And I'm really upset, because I'm hungry and being hungry makes me grouchy.

And to make matters worse, Guille's graduating, and the phone in our house isn't working, and the internet in our house isn't working (I have a feeling that the bills weren't paid). And I'm sad and emotional and I don't have any clean underwear so I'm going commando which I HATE doing. And I was being a good girlfriend this morning. Really. I washed laundry. I found Guille's check (granted, it was in my purse). I didn't push it when I asked him to do the things I'd asked him to do for the past week that he still hasn't done. And I did what he wanted when he wanted it. Now I'm by myself. I'm hungry. I'm stressed. I'm short on cash (which is really stressful for me, too). And everything sucks.

I really want Guille to find me and bring me ice cream (another treat I can't afford right now). But that's not going to happen. So instead, I'm going to the bank to take out the money for the bus tickets for Katharine and me, then I'm going home and doing more laundry.

Everything sucks.

Okay, here it is: a pic of Sam with a shaved head. This isn't a fabulous picture of me, but it is a fabulous picture of my friend Sandy. And I know that my friends who haven't yet seen my new coiffure will be interested regardless of my actual cuteness.

( Read more... )

Weird convo with Jorge, who's not going to live at my Dad's house this summer after all. Weird because I was being weird, for some unexplainable reason, and I don't think it was related to him at all.
I ate some ice cream today. Which was lovely, and legal! See, I was eating about a pint a day about a month ago, and so I decided that it was too much, and I went two weeks without ice cream, and then every subsequant week I've been allowing myself ice cream only on Sundays.
Today was the Classics picnic. It was nice. I won no awards. Which made me sad. It always makes me sad. But then Tessa and Sandy won the award for excellence in Greek! How awesome!!! I was genuinely happy and excited for them and not the least bit corrupted with jealousy. Which was good. My class is the best! My class, in my head, equals Sandy, Tessa, Nathan, Patrick and me. Most especially the first three since I've had other things with them before, too. I dunno. I just love 'em.
But it also made me sad. Seeing them all graduating . . . (this more than the actual commencement, probably). It's the family's goodbye.
We even played croquet (which TVN predictably won and I just as predictably lost).
I feel really awful.
After I got home today, I played Soul Caliber II. I practiced (a complete waste of time) for a few hours and then Guille whomped me. And I got mad. But I felt completely ridiculous for being mad. But it makes me so frustrated!!! I just spent all this time practicing, and Guille still whomped me! WHY?????
I think I want to go play shotgun no shields in Halo real quick, because it'll make me feel better.
I really need to do 1) Greek 2) Afro-Cuban Religion lesbianism paper 3) practice the 5th Sun for presentation manana in Spanish class 4) read the Physics book and do the problem set. Stupid school. I don't know what I want. Maybe some exercise ...

10 push-ups later - I still need exercise.
I'm gonna go play Halo.

I still have a bald head and it's gross outside, so I'm wearing an Ani DiFranco hat which at one point belonged to April, but now, without question, belongs to me. (Without question because, even if she wants it, I'm not giving it back.) I just missed having lunch with Hannah like I was supposed to at Black River. Bleh.

I can't wait to have this tutoring session with Carly. Woo-hoo for going over the optative, the participle and -mi verbs. It'll be at least as good for me as it will be for her.

In the meantime, I really need to get on top of this silly paper for TVN and the Oidipous Turannos class. Poop on Bushnell. Honestly, a basic theory of speech and silence can only be taken so far before it becomes really repetitive.

In other (but related) matters, I am totally loving my paper for Afro-Cuban Religions. Hooray for lesbians! Hooray for non-text based religions and local cults! Hooray for crossover between Ancient Greece and modern Carribean sexuality and religious studies! I am a happy bean.

I gave Ellen some of my books from Greek and Roman Drama in Translation and then handed off my "Idiot's Guide to Classical Mythology." I realized after I dropped her off that I am one of those people. I buy the books for Classics courses I'm not even taking. My shelves are filled with dictionaries of myths and obscure old books that I actually USE. And it's not like I use them for essays in school, I use them for myself. For my own understanding of the world and for my website. I'm a total nerd.

Speaking of the website, I am now (well, not now. Now I'm trying desperately to finish all the work that's due this week) trying to catalogue the creators and dates and copyright owners and websites of all the pictures included in my site so that people stop emailing me asking for permission to use photographs and paintings of which I clearly don't own the copyright.

And now I have to go post online about Ochun, the oricha of love in Santeria, and her patakis (myths), and then I have to start this damn essay so that I can go Friday morning to a bed and breakfast in Annapolis with my mom.

I feel ill. I really need to sleep more. And eat better.

One of these days I'll talk about something more interesting.

It's 10:03 am and I just got back from the doctor's. I have a TB bubble in my arm now, and I'm (slowly) getting ready for this Mexico trip. But along with all the vaccinations I need to get and Spanish I still need to learn, there is now one more thing to add to the list to be done before I head to Puebla in August: grow my hair back.

That's right folks, I shaved my head.

And I love it. So there.

And I don't have any pictures, nor do I have a scanner, so don't even bother asking, you'll just have to come and visit me. Or, if you're my Katrina, I'll see you in the end of May. Right?

It's midnight, which isn't so late. I'm at mom's house, and even tho I've only been here a day, there's already so much stress. I was dreading going back to Oberlin because I've scheduled a seriously intense semester for myself, but ... I can't be here. I remember now.
I went out to dinner with my Dad this evening to "El Gavilan" - even tho he says that he's a "terrible language learner," he knew a few words when I asked about the ingredients of Horchata. He knew "agua," "leche," "fruta," and "vanilla," but didn't know "canela" or "lata." I think he's just had bad language-learning experience. I bet he'd be really good at learning it, actually, if he gave himself a chance. We had a good talk. I told him about my thoughts after taking the TEFL course - I'm definitely going to be teaching English for a while and I'm thinking about teaching in the public school system. Both my parents professed to be very proud of me, but I can't help wondering if they really mean it ... is that a high enough status job for the daughter of a lawyer and a lobbyist/professor/reverend? Whatever.
When I got back to Dad's house, the Bokomosa kids were there. Emmanuel was chill, and he could play the piano. It was ... dammit, I don't remember ... Diduzi? anyway, one of them was a hardcore flirt. Like, a pushy flirt. But I only saw them briefly before I went back downstairs and kept showing Trishie the style that I knit with. It was a little frustrating for her, but it looked to me like she was doing it really well.
Then Dad took me back to mom's house.

Mom got home around 11, and came in to see me. She wigged out. She had created a name and setting for me in XP, so I took that as the go ahead to personalize it. I should have known better. That's what it would have meant to someone who was computer literate, because they would have understood the ramifications of their actions, but to Mom, she just put a name. She had no idea what she was doing. So. Bleh. She wigs out. Then she can't figure out her email, and because she doesn't understand the change she automatically blames it on Felipe. Why is it that incompetent people always blame problems they don't understand on people who are more competent? I love my mom dearly, and I mean no disrespect. It's not her fault that she doesn't understand the computer anymore that it's my fault I don't know how to do pottery. Bad analogy. I could choose to learn pottery, the computer is something that's more instinctual, and I grew up with it. The same thing almost happened at Dad's, but he avoided wigging out after I fixed something he didn't realize was wrong.

So, mom came and freaked out, and walked out of the room in distress about 5 times. Then she kept saying severely that I was NOT to change anything. I heard her the first time. Poor mama. I'm not prepared for how much she really doesn't understand, and I agreed to give her an overview tomorrow. 5 to 1 she'll bring a legal pad and take notes.

On the upside of things, I had a great Winter Term, and I even got to work on my website! I love my website. It makes me happy. I added a bunch of pictures to the Gallery and changed the format of the pages and added info, too. I could spend years just working on that. Too bad I have to stop as soon as I get back to Oberlin. :( That's alright, I'll have plenty of other things keeping me busy. Yay Oedipus Tyrannus! Yay for Afro-Cuban Religions! Yay for Con Law!

I'm still exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally from all the traveling, and I have a feeling I'll be a little reclusive when I get back to Oberlin - but after I get over it, I know I'll be excited to see all my people again. Shout-outs to Apes, Carly, and Ellen - and I can't wait to see my wonderful dorky ass Classics buddies (you may not know I'm talking about you ... but I am).

Well, g'night. Come give me some love on Sunday night. I'll be around. Hopefully in my room. I like flowers. And hugs. And anything at all, just come and visit me!